is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
