i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
