Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
