I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
