Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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