My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
