oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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