your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
