i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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