All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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