Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
