and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
