It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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