Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
