do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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