man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
