You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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