Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
