so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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