I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
