problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
