Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
