i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
