I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
