I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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