doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
ugly people sure do ruin things
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Randomize
