How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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