accomplished twins. life is a go
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
