sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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