there's paper in my vomit.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
