She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
