I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
