toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
