Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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