4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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