you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
