were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just want nice things and good sex
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
