The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
