I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
