just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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