Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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