we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
