were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
