nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
is wine microwaveable?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
