Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
