So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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