Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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