fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
