I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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