You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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