Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
