No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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